Top 5 Poker Notties
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Maxim has just released its list of Top 20 Poker Hotties, and in the interests of fair coverage, I have decided to publish my list of the Top 5 Poker 'Notties'. If you don't recall the Paris Hilton classic 'The Hottie and the Nottie', a nottie is the unattractive opposite of a hottie. Pure genius.
All is not lost for the illustrious names on my list, however, as many of them rock so hard at poker that their levels of attractiveness skyrocket thanks to Golddigger's Theorem of Applied Cash: Unattractive + HUGEBUX = Hot (where HUGEBUX is equal to $3 million or more).
Without further ado, here is the list:
5. Phil Ivey's Random Photo Face
I'm not talking his posed photo face. The man looks fine when he knows a photo is being taken. What I am talking about is the face he seems to be making any time someone catches him unawares and takes a picture of him playing poker.
I think the only way he can correct this is to stop playing live poker and only play at Full Tilt, but I might just take my own life if this article convinced him to do that. It would be a kinder end than what millions of poker fans would do to me.
4. Count durrrr
Sometimes, not always but sometimes, he looks like a vampire. Straight up, that's what I think. Look at some of the pictures of Tom 'durrrr' Dwan and try to tell me he isn't a vampire from an old black and white film. Just try.
Okay, try less than that.
3. Brian Hastings in the pictures I see in any Isildur1 related news
Look at the picture. Now I'm going to give you a word:
Hobbit.
You cannot unsee what you have seen!
Anti-2. Patrik Antonius
Not bad looking. Not bad looking at all...
I am totally straight.
2. Joe Cada's little hat
If there is one thing I can't stand, it is guys in hats. It used to just be guys trying to look cool in fedoras, but now I can't take baseball caps, either.
YOU ARE INDOORS. HATS ARE NOT WELCOME HERE.
1. Isildur1
Can you get less attractive than this? I mean, what kind of person doesn't have a face, honestly? The only things uglier than Isildur1 are the epic swings he takes on the virtual felt. For reals, it is sickening how much his account balance seems to swing each day he hits Full Tilt Poker, and his lack of a face is almost as bad.
What do you think of my list of poker 'Notties'? Do you have any of your own additions? Do you have Patrik Antonius' number? Whatever you have to add, please tell us in the comments.
-Shad
All is not lost for the illustrious names on my list, however, as many of them rock so hard at poker that their levels of attractiveness skyrocket thanks to Golddigger's Theorem of Applied Cash: Unattractive + HUGEBUX = Hot (where HUGEBUX is equal to $3 million or more).
Without further ado, here is the list:
5. Phil Ivey's Random Photo Face
I'm not talking his posed photo face. The man looks fine when he knows a photo is being taken. What I am talking about is the face he seems to be making any time someone catches him unawares and takes a picture of him playing poker.
I think the only way he can correct this is to stop playing live poker and only play at Full Tilt, but I might just take my own life if this article convinced him to do that. It would be a kinder end than what millions of poker fans would do to me.
4. Count durrrr
Sometimes, not always but sometimes, he looks like a vampire. Straight up, that's what I think. Look at some of the pictures of Tom 'durrrr' Dwan and try to tell me he isn't a vampire from an old black and white film. Just try.
Okay, try less than that.
3. Brian Hastings in the pictures I see in any Isildur1 related news
Look at the picture. Now I'm going to give you a word:
Hobbit.
You cannot unsee what you have seen!
Anti-2. Patrik Antonius
Not bad looking. Not bad looking at all...
I am totally straight.
2. Joe Cada's little hat
If there is one thing I can't stand, it is guys in hats. It used to just be guys trying to look cool in fedoras, but now I can't take baseball caps, either.
YOU ARE INDOORS. HATS ARE NOT WELCOME HERE.
1. Isildur1
Can you get less attractive than this? I mean, what kind of person doesn't have a face, honestly? The only things uglier than Isildur1 are the epic swings he takes on the virtual felt. For reals, it is sickening how much his account balance seems to swing each day he hits Full Tilt Poker, and his lack of a face is almost as bad.
What do you think of my list of poker 'Notties'? Do you have any of your own additions? Do you have Patrik Antonius' number? Whatever you have to add, please tell us in the comments.
-Shad
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